Childish Gambino - Bonfire

7:06AM

September 3rd, 2012

Childish Gambino 

As I flip through my Itunes playlist, sip my coffee, and flip through my vogue,

I can only think....

What's Homosexuality...

Ok, 

of course its suppose to mean that the same gender fucks each other...

But thats the thing.... THATS IT....

We say were gay, 

we like men, 

we want to be there homies. 

we hang out with them, 

we go shopping with them

we go out to the bars with them

we text them

and all other aspects of the "trendy gay" way..

What is killing me is the ONLY thing separating from men & women in that list, 

is SEX.. 

I do everything on the list with girls Just as much as guys....

So Is the term gay just a material word??

If you think about it, The only Real definition of that word is materialist objects and fantasy sex...

GAY - G-A-Y- ( Noun) - definition:

(gay) Bars

Castro

Grindr

louis vutton

poppers

Lady Gaga

Kheils

Hair Gel

Dildo

Bud Light Platinum

I mean I know it goes back for generations and Just like the word Straight and Lesbians, Its how we differ from the rest, and choose to be who they wanna be, which I don't hate on.. BUT WHY????

Why do we make such a big deal of the word gay?

If we as a whole try for a second not put labels on our sexuality, Would prop 8 be here? would we have Gay bashing freaks? Would we frolic down the streets of Castro hating on every vagina we see drunkly dancing on " Our" Dance floor?

And The crazy part about it.....

People tell me they would never share the sex life to me.....

But you Just told me you were gay.. 

And to my new found observation, you just told me 75% of your sex life..

But do we like to use that word because it defines us from everyone else?

Do we as homosexuals choose to wanna be different and yet want to be treated as equals all at once???

Something to pounder over...

Sincerely,

Human

Tyga- Black Crowns

3:56pm

September 2nd, 2012

Tyga - Black Crowns

We call our friends, Friends, because thats what they are right???

We tag them on facebook, we text them into the mere hours of the night

We wake up in the morning together to explain what happened the night before...

But what is a friend??

A Random person we known to Like and trust?

acquaintance?

Maybe its a person who we truly love??

Lover?

Could it be that someone who knows all your secrets, past life, and expectations to the future..

Bestie??

The word friends is as clear as day... But who is a friend?

If you go to your facebook friends list, can you honestly say that every single person is a friend?

Do we only use that word as a cover up to make sure that we have them??

I sit in the living room, 2 dogs running around me, 3 people laughing with me at the jokes we share, The connection we have as we pass the joint around. The atmosphere so clam, and so relaxing... 

Are those three people friends?

Lovers? 

Bothers & sisters??

We tame our world to make due that we have a social life...

And with the social media around these days, u can virtually make " Friends"

We all have people in our life that we care for... 

We love our parents, our siblings, our bartenders, and are hair stylists,

But are those friends??

Were so quick to put a name on something, we forget what things truly are....

I go out on a nice sunday brunch with a few people that , not only do i want to see, but i truly care for. People who i want to share my life with, people who i wanna keep making connections, jokes, and memories with... 

#imissyoupeter

Can't i call them, people?? Thats what they are right??

Back in the olden days, you had your select friends, and people around you, who you knew of....

If that was the case today, how many friends would you have??

As you rummage through your friends list, Think about the memories you spent together..

" Were friends because we went to school together"

" Were friends cause we got way to drunk the other night and had 2 inside jokes that we put on twitter the next morning, and of course I tagged you in it"

" Were friends because we like the same music, and we smoke mad herb together"

" Were friends because I know WAY too much about you"

Maybe i should start calling them by their names.

Instead of hanging with friends, Im hanging with so and so & so and so

Does that make me a bad person??

To call you by who you truly are and not categorize you in some fiction of my imaginary friend, acquaintance, & bro wheel???

Im honest, sane, funny, and straight forward with everyone I know

Does that make every single person i talked to my friend??

By me telling the clerk at walmart Im having a good day,  are we automatically friends??

Take time and choose wisely and make sure that word MEANS something to you...

cause just like the old saying " Friends come & go"

Love,

You friend Justin, 

the brother to your sisters acquaintance...

Amy Winehouse- some Holy war

8:17pm

August 1st, 2012

Amy Winehouse- Some holy war

Last night...

Hiking, camping, swimming, shooting guns and shooting loads...

He was everything & more...

What was his name?

We always have a point in our lives where we let our pride go, and choose the work of the gay devil... (Lindsay Lohan)

The exchange of the numbers on Grindr, 

The inital meeting. 

The clammy palms closing his side passenger door to a 34ft mobile home, 

With no idea as to where we are going to " Hang" (As he put it) 

The passionate hello, and the random " I Like this song" breaks the ice for only 10 seconds as the quiet drives gets more easier and easier to handle...

Wow, the view is amazing...

" Its my secret spot"

is that a key word for lets fuck?

We pull out the regular necessities we already talked about via the yellow & blue message box

Pot, piece, ciggs, condom and lube

Where am i??

" lets just say your lost in Oregon"

PUFF

Things start to become easier, gentle laughs turns into magical LOL's as time and smoke goes by our curious horny faces.

random qualities and secrets spill out as we look straight forward, trying to make sure our laughs looks cute...

The cross of the leg, to make him think im comfortable...

The shoulder head rest.... Seatbelt still in-tacked...

" Oh i LOVE this song"

As the volume goes up to 30, my heart rate does the same...

Turn. Look. Smile. Kiss

As we get out the car, now grasping each others clammy hands, making a sweaty whirlpool in the cusp of  nervous, horny love...

We watched the sun go down, the last couple puffs of his cigarette smells knarley, but doesnt phase our cocks that are rising to the occasion..

Was that they keyword for sex?

As we sit & talk about hometowns, friends, a few short stories about fucked up times, our eys go up and down, trying to believe that our vision is now Xray, trying to decipher what is underneath the Levis 501's and the fruit of the loom boxer briefs...

His head in between my criss cross apple sauce position, my rod pulsating against the back of his head..

Splint ends... boo, u need a hair cut... And some new shoes...

is it time?? 

If we do it now, what do we have to look forward to tonight... Maybe it will go for hours, maybe it will suck :(

After another bowl, a couple more laughs, we both knew there was nothing else to do, unless we wanted to look at the boring vouge i brought up as a distracting prop just in case shit got real ugly...

we begin the process again

Turn. Look. Smile. Kiss

As we both leave one eye open, we both laugh, wipe our lips embarrassingly noticing, understanding, that this will  be a one nighter...

hour later....

As i pull up the hanes, he makes stupid jokes, I stupidly laugh, he stupidly knows that they are not funny...

CIGGY, NOW!!!

as i inhale the rat poison that makes the night complete, He interlocks his not so clammy hands around my waist, and clips my buckle..

one notch to small boo boo, im not that skinny...

we hop back in the Rv, we blast Amy Winehouse, he lips the verse that i know to well, and he makes me smirk as he grabs my hands and we dance in the 34ft home away from home..

" Thanks.." he whispers in my ear

" Thank you"

Business deal??? 

A simple transaction that met both our needs??

do we give each other our business cards??

as many different things run through my relaxed mind, i think to myself.. Hes kinda cute..

" Your adorable" - he screams as he watched me sway my hips, grab the soda bottle and pretend that i have a high bun on my head, wasted, and felling each melody. (amy, amy, amy)

" Some holy war"

Wanna watch a movie?

sure.

Play. Snuggle. Twinkes. Comedy...

Sleep..

The morning the process starts all over...

The quite ride back to my house

the clammy hands opening the door, jumping out, grabbing my sweater, locking eyes and a smirky smile...

" Have a grand day"

" you too"

Shower. New undies... Charge the phone.....

EveryThing.....

Love,

a night to remember..

Adele - Daydreams

2:50 PM

September. 1st, 2012

Adele - Daydreams (BEST ALBUM EVER)

So my Friend called me to tell me that our friend & his man broke up because, one of them had cheated on him with the guy WHO, fucked the partner, twice before....

I didn't know gays knew how to timeline so well...

Grindr is one hell of a drug...

As we all should know....

The Gay community is small... 

DEF IN SF

But yet,  we are all so thirsty for the first thing we can grab onto...

Sorry,

Song switch: Adele - Crazy For you... OH MI GWADDDDDDD

On a lucky friday night I can see at least 3 guys at Boybar ( #IloveuD) who I haven't seen hoe'ing on grindr earlier that morning, or hasn't fucked a guy that I know SOMEHOW... 

Fuck Mutual friends on facebook...

Though I never really to much cared for going down and being the slooppy second whore, (Yes sebby...im that girl)... Hell, Thanks for taming his ass, Now its my turn.... 

Back to relationships

Ok, Here ill give u an example:

[AND I QUOTE]

" Omg, so basically his name is !@#$% and we met on grindr, but i tell people we met at peets on market.. Starbucks was too gay... So anyway, we have been together for 3 months and I just moved into his apt in the mission... SO much bigger then my studio apt in little italy, and omg I dont have to catch muni to go to bootycall wednesday's girl ( fingersnap)!!! "

" Um girl... he's 409 feet away on grindr right now."

" Let me go on and talk to my boo"

Grindr is one hell of a drug

BTW if your wondering, they broke up 2 months later and my friend got to keep the cat.... 

Thanks Grindr, your now PETA

If everyone at The lookout was single, it will be a night to remember...

If anyone actually told the truth at lookout, it would be a night to remember..

What im trying to say is, NO, The boy grinding on your dick at qbar, is NOT looking for a unhealthy relationship that you currently looking for by dancing with this drunk stud, thinking to yourself how he would look across from you sipping mimosas at squat and gobble... 

He's def not the guy that gave you 3 pictures off grindr, and told you he would meet you 7 times before, and your still nervously anxiously waiting at the bar the 8th time.... 

He's not The guy that gave u a wink at the mix, because im  89% sure he gave you that wink last week. (His boyfriend was on his way from work BOTH TIMES girl..) #sorryboutit

ANd hes DEF not the ASSHOLE who gives you a double take on telegraph ave, 

you walk up and you exchanges numbers, with both cock raging in front of each others, trying to make that same connection were making by waiting for his number to pop up on my phone...

hmmm. (408) eww

then texts you 15min later asking for a place we can go to cause hes in the closet... EWW

Whatever the broke ass bummy dudes cases are... Stick to your gut. and if your gut is filled with jager shots, then stick with a condom and call it a one nighter...

don't try to find him on facebook the next morning, trying to remember if he told you his last name or not...

#notcute

Sincerely,

Always single

Frank Ocean- Super Rich kids

9:12AM

Sept. 1st

Frank Ocean - Super Rich Kids

So, he responded to my idiotic text..

One of those texts where: 

You type the message out loud, 

lock your iphone, 

Unlock it immediately, 

press the send button, 

throw your phone at the end of the bed, 

& Turn it over, so all you can see is your reflection of your nervous face through the mirrored apple. 

" I miss you to" - HIM

Now, did I Just turn that 4 worded broad phrase into a game of wheel of fortune? Or do we as creatures release those words as broadly as we shoot out the word "Friends?"

What part of me does he miss?? 

Those secret facebook video chats we do to say goodnight? 

Or maybe its my personal presence.. 

Could it be Those midnight blunts we smoke on our secret stairway?? where nothing else seems to matter but me, you, & the sucky view to the victorian houses we dream to have at one point. Fighting over the same green & white house, every single time.

I think its the secret smiles we give off to each other, feeling the love from the opposite side of the bar, as we make a drunken toast with our different friends, cliques, and crews,

I miss Trigger- #mamaSKYE

Iss harder to figure out the meaning of this message, because besides the time we spend only together, were friends in everyone else's eye. Is that "miss" apart of friendship? Does it only mean the times we spent together with the Astros??

does it not mean anything at all? 

Does dating in the circle even work? There's points on a triangle, rectangle even a square. But a circle just goes around, one way only.  And Just like friends, its only one way... Friends... of course our male animal side wants to swallow half of the circles loads, but at what price? How do we even define something like that. Friends with benefits??? that makes it a triangle...  Or do we grab the first newbie and make them our own.. That makes a rectangle... Or do we decided to Fuck first then friend later.... That would make a oval...  We all try to find love... ( but NOT like rihanna hoe druggie ass) but real love.. And believe me, gay love is a whole different story...     

HASH TAG: San Fran is the worst place to find love... EVER... 

so again, how does the message play out?? i wish he would have explained the tone in his voice as he wrote those 4 words... #drivingmeINSANE

FUCK...

As I decipher the embedded surreal code on my transformer, I sip my powered hot cocoa, take another drag, and read the passage, slow and careful

eye. Mis. u. 2

eye. Misunderstood. you...

FUCK....

As my mind wanders in 100 different directions, I pressed the barley spaced out letters on my phone, the autocorrect stopping me from making a fool out of myself..

"How are you"- ME

The process starts again..

yours truly,

happily nervous

Empire of the Sun- Half Mast

4:55pm

August. 31st, 2012

Empire of the Sun - Halfmast

What is a transition?

When you think you altered into a new universe?

Is it the beautiful sight when you see the sun coming down and the moon coming up all at once?

or maybe its the smooth mind altering moment, when you know, THAT one toke got you stoned.. The sappy smile you get on your face as the smoke travels through gravity, runs through your eye lid, cough & choke, drop the joint in the ashtray, & rub your eyes vigorously... OUCH... LOOOOL

You say goodbye to your friends, try to let the world know how much you would miss that one crazy street  that you randomly did something stupid on back in grade school.

Then Let your parentals know you will be ok while the thought of you drunkenly in a police car races through your brain... 

New city, new life, new transition...

But does it change who I am? Does it literally take a form of my alter ego wannabe' personality and make anew? Can i change my name? Should I bottom for the next guy? Or maybe change the background screen to my busted macbook? 

Transitions?

oh wait... Maybe its the transition of the strawberry cheesecake Ben & Jerrys coming from the solid ice chunk, to melting pleasure down my throat.... 

yummy changes....

But what about the emotional roller-coaster i have in my current metamorphosis?

Does that change? 

Make a transition? 

ha, can that change names? AKA, is he gonna fuck some other bitch? do i even really like this dude?  what about the sweethearts that make somedays, just awww. ( aka Grindr buddies) that transitions, (Hey I used that word)  into first name only contacts in the cellular.... 

Change is good.... Change is the future... Change is... the 37 cents i have in my fucking pocket.... Does that make me happy? is change for the better good? Why change something when you obviously like the way things were going.... Change for the better? HA, thats a shellfish joke.... 

Ash on the computer... FUCK..

Oh i Got it, maybe its the time you have alone when your at the fucking only bar in 300 miles and you know NO ONE! the head bop to a fucking song you have no idea is playing.. The 50 checks of the iphone when u only had 4 notifications in the past 10 min...  And the best one: Smiling at random people making sure they think your a norm, and not a overweight black girl at a toddlers & tiara pageant.

Transitions....

#bustedbitch

Whatever the case be, I hope this change is something. i can say, "Hey, i fucking fucked this shit out of it, dry & without a condom..." AKA I did something that will make not only me but others around me happier... 

Oh yeah 

I miss my fiends and my mommy, and castro st...  Oh, and that one street Anthony, Billy Dimitri, & I was walking down fucked up otta our minds.... HA!

Happy Labor day weekend...

drink Paps

throw fire crackers

do doughnuts in your dads boat at the random Red-neck lake... ewwww.

(Dont you hate when bros where Oakley sunglasses & fucking fox swim trunks with a fucking bro ass tattoo on his side  muffin gut...)

hello oregon...

Here comes Justin....